To the one and only one

In life, different period of your life, you may like different things. Our brain evolved just like the earth. Sometime my friend asked me which type of girl do I go for; I can’t find an absolute answers to it. Not sure if this theory works; if our brain evolves like the earth, our liking changes over time, while my love for you remain constant, do you think I will ever stand a chance?

I am very afraid to go into any relationship now, cos I don’t know if anyone can replaced you in my heart. I know what true love is, but I always acted as if I don’t know. In my past relationship, I pretended as if I don’t know how to love. I didn’t give my best, cos I did not wish to hurt anyone, I didn't want to pretend to be a great lover only to give up in the end. Then why started it when I knew we wasn’t meant to be to begin with? I thought I could forget about you. Over the years, you were constantly inside my heart. I didn’t know why I waited for so many years before I picked up the courage to call you again and asked for your facebook account.

I must be out of my mind to pursue an impossible dream. I just want to focus on my studies now. I will never try to get anyone to replace you again; everyone is unique. If I ever fall in love again, I will make sure that I give all my love without any reservation. You have been my sincere friend, I know you never wanted be to be like this. Perhaps we were never meant to be together, I am learning how to let go. Nevertheless, you left a very deep footprint in my heart. I wanted to tell you that I am more than happy to be your friend. I am proud of you and I will never abandon this friendship again, no matter what. I want to be someone who is truly sincere to you. I will pray to whatever god exists that whenever you faced with any problem, you can resolve it easily.

I have just received her art work today. I like it very much and I have framed it. I will always cherish all her work and things. This picture was drawn by Rheea Zhang. Life is not always full of bed and roses, but whenever I see this picture, I will tell myself that no matter how tough the journey is ahead of me, I will never give up.

I have a contradictory personality. I am a very determined person who never gives up my dreams easily. She is my dream, yet I gave her up 10 years ago. I was rejected by her back then, but at least we talked to each other very often. That was the happiest moment in my life. When she said that we can only be friend, I was very hurt then. The wound left a very deep scar. After so many years, I really wish to talk to her again. Our mind set has changed a lot. Now, she is into Metaphysics and art while I am into Psychology and Finance, we have grown up, everything has changed, but my love for her has never changed. After that rejection, I never pick up the courage to even think that she will be my girlfriend one day. There are many Knights in the shinning amour waiting to win the princess's heart, I am just a little soldier leading a very normal life. However, this soldier will be the most loyal guy to her. If she ever faced any danger moment, this soldier will put her safety before his life. If all the knights ever abandon her, he will always stay by the princess's side, even as her salves, he has no complaint.

My heart has cried many times for you, only you let me feel that my heart is still alive. I know right from the start, falling in love with you, is like building a prison for my heart to stay inside. I can never break free from this cell yet I can never be with you. It is like pursuing a destination that you knew right from the start, it never existed.

A wonderful Sister

I have got a wonderful sister, although she is not my biological sister. She gotten a good and pure heart. I just do not understand why many people did not realize this hidden gem.

Often, we can have a heart to heart talk, and we shared the same frequency. In this era, it is difficult to find a genuine friend, let alone a great friend of opposite gender. No matter how busy I am, I will always keep this friendship in mind. We can talk about everything under the sun, and she gave very good advice. Sometime, she asked me questions that left me thinking for days. For example, she asked me why do I gets another girlfriend when I am in love with someone else. Actually, I do not have an answer. I guess I knew I never stand a single chance and I don’t wish to pursue anything for the fear of losing it. I am a guy with low self-esteem, I knew that some things can only be kept and buried deep inside my heart. I also knew she gotten quite a few suitors, and I guess I was never in the race.

Although I knew she is the one, but life has always been unkind to me when it comes to relationship. Having said that, I must learn to cherish the next girl that comes by my life. Actually, love may not necessary to be the only things in my life. I should look at kinship, friendship and many more. I treat my god sister as my best friend, just like my next of kin.

A friendship that is so pure is hard to come by. I know that we will never hurt each other.. Maybe she is the next best thing god can give me.

3 August to 10 August update

Last week was a very hectic week for me. Last Tuesday, I went to NUS to audit the Volatility classes. The lecture was supposed to be for year 2 students, and I guess for that reason, I didn’t really understand much except that standard deviation isn’t a good tool to measure risk since the assumption is only for normal distribution’s data.

I attended VBA programming last Wednesday till Friday (From 9am-5pm). It was no easy for me to follow, as I have no much programming knowledge, I just tried to pick up as much as I could. On Saturday, I attended bridging classes for my course on Mathlab programming.

Finally, Sunday is funday (8th August). I went out to the song beach at Sentosa with a friend. That day was very windy. As I was enjoying the sea breeze, I thought of her again. I was wondering if she is adapting well in Japan.

At least I got to see her blogs update and there were many great news and I hope she managed to sleep well. I guess it wasn’t easy to squeeze with so many people in a room. How I wish I could attend such events and courses too!

On Monday, 9thAnugust, it was a national day. I was searching for my recovery disc to reboot my laptop. It took me several hours before I finally found it. While searching for my recovery disc, I found the bookmark she gave me 10 years ago. These two things are the only things she ever gave me and they are also the most important things in my life.

On Tuesday, I had a badminton session with my old time friend, Diwei. We played from 8am to 10am at Tampines court. We played four games and I lost to him. It feels great to catch up with old time friend; he is really a nice guy.

My first VBA Programming Class

Super tiring and super loss. I am learning how to writing a program, so many things to learn in life.

Finally another post from her

I have got a very hectic schedule lately. I attended my first lesson in NUS for Volatility. Actually, I haven signed for the course, so it should be considered auditing the class. After the lesson, I realized that now I am learning finance. In the past, I thought Standard Deviation was a great tool in calculating volatility, but I was wrong. It was a useless tool since we cannot get a normal distribution data most of the time.

I reached home at about 11.15pm. After that, I played Othello with my god sister. She asked me to be her god brother, and I accepted it without hesitation. She is a nice person with a good heart. Guess I am officially her god brother on 3 August.

Well, there was this girl that I have been missing throughout my life. I finally got the chance to read another of her blog, her MIA blog. I feel so happy that she is able to see the world, and she is in Japan now. I will be praying that she is safe and sound. She does not know I still like her after 10 years and she does not read my blog. If I can, I would rather give up everything in my life to be with her seeing all parts of the world.

My first piano lesson

My first piano lesson was quite interesting; the teacher was very nice and patient towards me. After the piano lesson, I went to get myself a piano, which the school was very quick in delivery the piano to my place and I am grateful for that.

I know that the road ahead will be very tough and challenging, but no matter what, there is no turning back. There are so many things I want to do for you, even if it won't mean a thing to you, I will not regret. You are so special, so different. Only you know what is true love. I just wanna be your friend, let me stay by your side, walking through the storm with you, be your guidance angel. I promised you that I wouldn’t ask anything more than that.